theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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