addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize