never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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