spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
