I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
