He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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