its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
