My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
