Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
