apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
