Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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