We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
