i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
