my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
