I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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