3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
