some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
