I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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