every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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