Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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