What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
