And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize