the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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