i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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