Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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