I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
