The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
