nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize