going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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