ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
