She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize