Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
