I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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