so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
