so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
