It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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