I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
