People in love make me want to vomit
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
