It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When are your genitals available?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
