The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
