Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
