Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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