do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
