That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
