Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
