you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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