we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
