Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You smell like stripper and shame
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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