I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
