Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
