somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
