I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
