i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am available for nakedness
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