Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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