Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize