Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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