let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
