so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
