so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
