You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
