His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
