i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize