he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
