Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
