they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
