you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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