Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
