new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
