she was so not down for the gang bang
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
