The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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