she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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