so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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