Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
