just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
