Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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