So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
