i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
