After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
