My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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