I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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