we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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