I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
