How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
