Tell her she can't have a vagina
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
