I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
