Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
