I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
