Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
