and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
