I'm laying in your front yard are you home
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
