How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
