yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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