He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize