Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
