I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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