She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
