You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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