woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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