well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
