Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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